saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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