no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
