hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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