So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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