Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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