you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
