the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
