jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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