I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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