In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
