So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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