Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
