then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
