So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
