I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
