I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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