so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
