Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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