FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
