I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
