woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
