I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
