I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
