I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
