Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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