you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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