so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
