Me too!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I showed him my bush... on skype.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
