Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I smell like Dick and happiness
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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