ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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