I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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