he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
