I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
