he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
