dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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