I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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