Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
