I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
