turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
