Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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