So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
