Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
