my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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