Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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