Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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