we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
