Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
