god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i barfeds in our rink
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
