I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
