Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
