never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
