This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
