dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
