Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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