Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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