It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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