We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
